Monday, November 22, 2010

Iced In

It's my first Alaska ice storm. Just looks like a little frozen rain to me. I don't see what the big deal is. I was supposed to fly to the village this morning to work at the school and then have our first lady's Bible study tonight. I've been praying for this and looking forward to it for weeks. I called my bush pilots and they said "no way". The weatherman says every one should just stay home today if they can. According to him, it's "a doozy of a morning". I thought slipping and sliding was second nature to these people. What IS the big deal?
Well I'm either in the depths of serious depression or I'm starting to spiritually mature because....I just don't care. I'm disappointed, but I have given this whole year to the Lord and it's His show. He's the conductor and I'm just sitting in the back playing along with the orchestra...something like 10th chair. I'm trying to follow His direction, but if the symphony sounds a little dissonant, I'm sure He'll work it out.
Is this what peace is? I hope so. As we approach that time of year when we celebrate Christ as the "Prince of Peace" I can say I'm learning to access that peace by learning submission. For many years I've heard preachers preach, writers write and singers sing about the benefits of being broken before God and then rising from the ashes in total surrender. I've Amened and Hallelujahed but didn't have a clue what it meant. You can't have ashes without a fire. And fire is all-consuming. And burning hurts...really bad.
So here I am feeling at peace, not knowing the plan for the day or how the week will unfold (or how my life will unfold, for that matter). Having said that, I do realize that my paycheck isn't dependent on this weather, nor is my health, nor the well-being of anyone in my family. Weather peace is a "peace" of cake ( :
When I think about my good friend who was just diagnosed with breast cancer, I feel anxious and afraid. And I want to feel that way for her. She needs us all to feel that with her. I know peace can coexist with sadness and fear and all the other emotions that make us human. But it's elusive. I'm not sure you can find it without a little soot on your cheek.
Right now, I'm nibbling at peace but have a long way to go before I can feast on it. But at least, for me, it's out of the fire and on the table.

1 comment:

  1. Love your background photo! I need to call you sometime soon...everytime I have a minute I am reminded that it's too early to call AK time. :) Love ya & Happy Thanksgiving!