Monday, December 17, 2012


I’m sitting here watching Daffodil trying to open presents, waiting for Ted and Leah to arrive. Tomorrow morning we’re flying to Iowa to be with family and attend the funeral. I spent some time this weekend just vegging, thinking about the tragedy in Newtown, the loss of my children’s grandmother, the homeless lady who walks my streets, and (here’s a new one) the spot that was just discovered on my friend’s father’s lung.

I have felt the gamut of emotions, as I’m sure you have also.  Let’s name them:

Me:  Sorrow

You:  Outrage

Me:  Fear

You:  Confusion

Me:  Compassion

You:  Confusion

Me:  You already said that one.

You:  Oh….how ‘bout hatred?

Me:  That’s a strong one. What about shame?

You:  Why are you feeling shame?

Me:  I’m not exactly sure. I think I feel ashamed that I complain so much. Not out loud, but to God. I’m never satisfied.  I want all my dreams to come true. ALL of them. That kind of thinking seems vulgar right now, in light of all the pain in Connecticut……and the rest of the world..

You:  You’re right.  Have you considered counting your blessings and asking for contentment?

Me:  Duh!  But this weekend when I’ve tried to talk to God,  I’ve been kind of frozen. Unfocused, unable to speak to Him. I keep thinking of David’s prayer, “Search me O Lord and know my heart,” or something like that. So I’ve just been saying the same thing….Search my heart. I know He knows what‘s in there; the good, bad and ugly.  Words aren’t working, but it’s okay.

You:  I’ll be praying for you in Iowa.

Me:  Thanks.


  1. Me: you are loved and valued beyond any earthly reason and I'm so glad you are my friend.

  2. How did you read my mind? I haven't found the words to write about Dec.14th yet...they are slow to come. The tears come quickly. God bless you all as you grieve and yet celebrate a loved one. Love you!

  3. Oh...Daffodil!!! All my cats wanted to do was sleep under my tree.