Thursday, February 21, 2013
But we aren't too proud to want to get better. So today I dropped by Rollin' Oats, St. Pete's primo health food store, to pick up some caffeine tablets. I find that drinking coffee helps me focus and doesn't give me a buzz like it does most people. I can take my last sip of java at bedtime and fall into a peaceful sleep. (I am often maligned as a coffee guzzler but the truth is......I sip a lot but rarely consume more than two cups a day). So I thought maybe a greater dose would yield a greater result.
Walking into Rollin' Oats can be intimidating.... All those natural looking people milling around becoming healthier by the minute, just by brushing past so many supplements. All I wanted to do was grab my goods and get out before someone noticed I was wearing make-up. But where to start looking? Someone must have recognized my look of bewilderment and approached me with "How can I help you?"
"I need caffeine!" Suddenly the milling stopped. I think the entire store came to a grinding halt. I know I heard whispering. You'd have thought I had asked for a piece of fried chicken.
"CAFFEINE???? YOU NEED A BOOST???"
When I think of Boost, I think of my mother who drinks Boost.
"No, I don't need Boost, I need caffeine" (more whispering).
"Have you considered Omega-3's?"
"Yes, I already take fish oil."
"B-12? Exactly what do you hope to accomplish? " I was pressured into confessing that I wanted to try caffeine to help me focus... that aging is taking its toll on my concentration. They should have at least put me in a curtained booth for this, with an ordained health priest on the other side to grant me absolution (They also had many "ab"- solutions in Rollin' Oats but I didn't want those).
I felt publicly humiliated. Where were the other middle aged women at that point? I think I saw one dive behind the organic pineapples. Others were slinking out the door.
Ten minutes of more interrogation and I was on my way with something called Up Your Gas (I kid you not!) It has green tea extract in combination with other health food store sounding additives (although we don't use the word "additives " in there). Guess I'll drop by Walgreens wearing a hoodie and dark glasses to pick up my bottle of Bean-O. Sounds like I'll need it.