Idling

Okay, there's good news and bad news. The good news is.....I haven't had a bad hair day since I got here. What kind of miracle is this? It's been cloudy, even drizzly (not to be confused with "grizzly" which is a scary word around here). But my hair blow dries right into place and just keeps looking better all day, even when I go out into the wind. This is very kewl.
Okay, enough about me. Well, not really. I have to tell you the bad news.......I'm idling again. Not being idle, but idling, like a car at a traffic light. I first started idling when I got the news that Greg had a brain tumor. I would lay down at night and feel like someone had put a quarter in my motel bed. My whole body would vibrate. When I'd wake up, it was the same. I didn't notice it too much during the day, but when I was still.....I'd idle. I knew it was a stress reaction, completely beyond my control.
It took a long time to stop idling. I felt it was a major victory. I haven't idled for a year or more, but this week it started again. I guess that's to be expected. Adventure has its cost. I've been thinking about the apostles sailing away to new countries, away from friends and family, not knowing what to expect. I wonder if Paul ever idled. I'll bet he wouldn't admit it if he did. Come to think of it, didn't he say widows should marry again lest they become idle?? Maybe he knew!
I'm getting settled, checking things off my getting settled list. I bought a printer today and set it up (There were 11 steps. One more and I could have recovered from something). I rewarded myself by taking a scenic drive toward Seattle. The leaves are red, orange and gold (outside Florida, this is called autumn, right?) It was beautiful, the mountains were spectacular. When I pulled over to take a picture, I'm pretty sure it was just the car idling there for a moment. I felt perfect peace.

Getting Settled

I've been in Anchorage two days and it feels like at least a week. I love my apartment! It's a two bedroom (so you can visit) in a basement in a quiet neighborhood near the port of Anchorage that has mountains all around and Cook Inlet down the side. Funny thing, when I first felt God tugging me toward Alaska I said, "Well alright, but I want a room with a view of a mountain". I've learned that I can pray demanding prayers and feel good about it. The worst God can say is "no" and He probably chuckles a lot at me. Anyway, when I heard about this furnished basement, it just seemed so right that I let God off the hook for the view. Well guess what? I was peering out of my ground level window today and just through some bare, skinny trees across the street I can just barely glimpse a snow covered peak WAY out there. It's so distant it probably wouldn't even show up in a picture. Not what I had in mind but a humorous reminder that God is listening (as if I needed a reminder).
My landlords, Jim And Beverly, are an older couple who are very sweet and are treating me like family. Every time I mention I might be needing something it literally shows up on my doorstep. So far I've received a new flat screen TV, new dishes, pots and pans, new silverware, knives, an iron and a toaster. Am I getting married? Yay! (Remind me who it is)
I had breakfast with Jim and Beverly yesterday and we got better acquainted. They'll be going to Arizona for the winter and I'll miss them, but then I can start blaring my music like I'm used to.
My greatest accomplishment so far is getting wireless internet! I hooked everything up myself (after getting a modem from the cable company) but it wouldn't connect. I was feeling bummed but when I called technical support they suggested maybe my cable was defective. I hooked up to another cable I saw sticking through my dining room window and Wallah (is that how you spell it?). I'm online. Now I have to figure out how to program my cable remote. That might be pushing it.
Flying to a native village next week to reconnect with some friends I met this summer. Wish me fair weather (I wonder does that make them fair weather friends? : )
More soon. Thanks for caring.

On My Way

I actually wasn’t planning to blog today, but I’m feeling so bright and sparkly on my journey here that I want to open up and express. I put all the finishing touches on my to-do list 10 minutes before I left home. That translates into realizing I should just throw away all my old spices and give Shelly one more kitchen cabinet to inhabit (or rather for her stuff to inhabit).
I should have been tired this morning because I stayed up until one packing and repacking. This time I have two large suitcases and they had to hold all my most necessary belongings for living in Alaska for many months. I kept zipping each one then stepping on the bathroom scale to make sure I was as close to 50 pounds as possible without going over. If you go over, there’s a hefty fee. If you’re under, you just shortchanged yourself. So one suitcase weighed 45 but the other 49 and back and forth, back and forth until finally, both weighed exactly 47 and a half. I might could have squeezed one more emery board into each, but I know tempting fate when I see it. When I checked in I asked the checker how much my bags weighed and he looked at me dubiously and declared, “49 pounds each.” Hallelujah! If only I could be that efficient with the important things.
The airport was a piece of cake (or rather a Starbucks and a cinnamon curl) then easy boarding and another great seat. Once again (if you remember my summer trip) I am by the window and the middle seat is empty. Yes! There’s a middle-aged guy in the opposite seat with his laptop out also. We have our drinks on the middle tray and it’s kinda like we’re in a café sharing a small table. I like this.
I am reading a GREAT book! It’s Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. I like it because my dear niece, Ellen, gave it to me to read. She knows me pretty well and thought I’d like it (She also knows what music I like and regularly gives me CD’s that introduce me to artists she likes). The book is subtitled, “Some Thoughts On Faith”. It’s fairly autobiographical and like Ellen warned me, probably not appreciated as much by the far right wing ultra-conservative Christians (the f-word appears more than once). I must be becoming more liberal these days because I love this book. I think the last five years have opened me up some, painfully like surgery, but the end result feels like healing. I accept and even appreciate things these days that in another life I would have judged or scoffed (But not to worry. I won’t be dropping f-bombs at the Vermeer family Christmas reunion).
Lamott’s style is so unpreachy, so vulnerable, self-effacing and humorous. She endured some enormous heartaches before emerging as a single mother bent on finding answers to life’s questions in the Christian faith. She reminds me of Connally Gilliam whose book Revelations of a Single Woman I read recently and also loved. I’m finding myself identifying with these single young women (okay you can laugh). We actually face many of the same struggles and certainly sip the same cocktail of hope, fear, and determination (I won’t be drinking liquor at the Vermeer reunion either so relax).
I’m going to close my computer now and keep reading and also batting my eyelashes at my unsuspecting date across the table. Wink Wink ( ;

A Song For You

I'm all packed up. Tomorrow I'll board a plane (I'm a flying fool now) and land in Alaska. Tomorrow night I'll be sleeping in a strange bed in a strange apartment that I'll learn to call home for a few months. I wonder if I'll be cold........please let there be heat.
Anyway, I wanted to write a song that expressed how I'm feeling (I'm sure at this point my kids are rolling their eyes and going "oh no, isn't the blog bad enough?") But hey, this is America so I can write a song if I want to. It's called Moving Day. I'm sharing it with you but no, I won't be posting it on youtube (good news for the kids).

Moving Day

It's moving day......
Filling up my boxes,
On the wall the clock says
Time is running down.
Moving day.......finally came around.

Cleaning out....
Tripping over memories,
In a way my heart grieves
But in a way I feel set free
On moving day....a big day for me!

Chorus:
I've been here way too long
At the bottom of this well,
Climbing out took some time.
Now Love has caught a breeze
And my ship is set to sail,
Sail away, sail away.

Letting go....
Of old dreams that held my heart,
Now it's time for a brand new start,
See what faith can bring
On moving day.....I'm gonna spread my wings.

I've been here way too long
At the bottom of this well,
Climbing out took some time.
Now Love has caught a breeze
And my ship is set to sail,
Sail away, sail away.

Moving day......
I'm finally feeling good inside,
I'm giving in to my braver side,
No more time for tears
On moving day.....where do I go from here?

Thank you very much. Elvis.....er, Kim has left the building.

Cleaning Day

Today was cleaning day. I've been going through drawers and cabinets, sorting, throwing away, the usual chores associated with moving. I tried to really make a decent path from the living room to the kitchen without having to trip over something. Hey, it looks pretty good in here. Shelly has unpacked most of her stuff and it's blended quite well with what I have remaining.
I know I'm over the worst of the cleaning by one landmark accomplishment: I did the dryer. My washer and dryer are, unfortunately, right inside the back door. I don't put stuff on the washer because it opens on top. But the dryer! It's my catch-all. It's responsible for all the change I've collected and rolled into a Keys vacation and now a plane ticket to Alaska. The box of rolling papers have always been there beside the change tub (that's coin rolling papers for all you who think you've just discovered why I'm spacey). Along with Tide, Clorox, Spray-n-wash and GooGone, you could also find some rusty nails, a whatever rag, Antkill, wasp spray and an unused flea collar. No pests disturbing the serenity of this clean place.
Perhaps my fondest memories of the cluttered dryer top will always involve the Christmas garland I bought two summers ago in Philadelphia. I think I just walked in the door, laid it there, and there it's been ever since. Every time I do laundry I look at it and wonder where I should put it. Maybe with the Christmas decorations? But they're out in the garage. I don't want to make a special trip all 20 feet out there, have to unlock the door, open the Christmas bin and stash it. I always imagined I would find a creative place to hang it while I patiently awaited the holidays. But no such place ever materialized. And during the holidays? I forgot it was there.
So today I dealt with the garland (btw, it's really an interesting string of stars that could realistically be used to decorate anytime). Can you guess where I put it? Honestly, I don't remember! It must have gone into a catch-all box.

Moving Day

As I was reading at bedtime last night, I came across a passage in a book that talked about the need to move forward in our Christian lives and not be intimidated by circumstances. The author said that we spend way too much time saying we're waiting on God, when actually God is waiting on us. It cautioned against "turning back" after we have seen a vision for ministry or developed a passion for something new.
It was encouraging but I didn't feel it really applied to me at this time. I am terribly excited about moving to Alaska and don't feel any tugs to change my mind at this time.
Then here comes moving day! Not mine, Shelley's. Shelley is the friend who will be living in my house while I'm gone. We had agreed earlier that today would be the day she moves a lot of her stuff to storage, brings her boxes of necessities (and a few luxuries) over here and well.....moves in.
Yikes! Is it really happening? "What are those dishes for? What do you mean floral towels will look good with the shower curtain? What's that ratan table doing on my porch???"
It's still sinking in that I'm moving. I am absolutely delighted that Shelley will be staying here, but still feel that twinge of "am I doing the right thing?" Of course I am. God has been waiting on me long enough. Just a few more details to conquer, then I'm off.

Dealing With Details

I don't think I'm wired to be a business woman. Or maybe I just haven't been programmed that way. Or maybe the programming is defective. Or maybe my business subroutines went offline at some point. WHATEVER! This is not what I'm used to. So many details to take care of before the big move. I'm tempted to scream. Aw heck, why not, *&%^$#@!*!!!!!!!!
Whew! That felt great! One of the benefits of living alone.
As if all this preliminary stuff were not enough, I am contemplating incorporating myself into a nonprofit organization. We'll call it "Kim's Whims". Seriously, since I spoke in church I have been offered FINANCIAL SUPPORT from various sources for my ministry in Alaska. How cool is that?????
I have retirement funds which I will be drawing from for my living expenses for the next 40-50 years (do you see a new Walmart greeter in your future?) But the ministry I envision and am getting excited about will need some support. If you've been following along you know that I am hoping to minister to women in native villages in Alaska. One village in particular stole my heart. But it's only accessible by air. I may be able to bum rides with bush pilots now and then but more likely I will be scheduling flights with the little commercial airline that flies in and out of there regularly. The cost is $150. a round trip. (Just how much does Walmart pay anyway?)
When my church family and certain generous friends found out about this, they did what they've always done when they saw a need: pitched in to help.
I am feeling tremendously humbled and affirmed. A missionary friend reminded me this morning that it's all God's work, not ours. He will be taking care of the details, thank you. (That's God, not my friend). He has no programming that can be scrambled and no subroutines that can go offline. He knows all the needs, from right this moment until the day I die, and it was all taken care of before the beginning of time.
Do I really believe this? Am I just another Christian Atheist who makes lofty claims but caves under pressure.
I'm definitely full of faith and definitely doubtful ("But honestly, God, I was just screaming at the cat") ( :