Saturday, March 12, 2011
Another Moving Day
The waiting is over. My prayers are answered. I have permission to move into the house on the bluff overlooking the sea and the mountains. I am soooo glad I prayed for God’s will and not my own desires. I need to know that this is exactly where God wants me to be. The view is beautiful, but I’m already feeling more lonely and I haven’t even moved yet. Packing up here in Anchorage is reminiscent of packing up in Florida. What will this next leg of my adventure hold in store? Once again I find myself falling before the Lord and begging for His embrace and reassurance. I seem to keep moving further and further away from the familiar and closer and closer to realizing that pure submission to God that I long for.
I know I’m anxious because little annoyances are making me cuss. You’d think that in this apartment I’ve been living in for five months there would be one pen. I finally found a Sharpie then it ran out of ink. I’ve been on the phone and internet trying to get the best deal on an internet connection in the village. Not too many choices and all are ripoffs. I’m gnashing my teeth like a hell-bound reprobate. Can anyone say “air card”? I’m looking.
Shouldn’t this be a happy day? Some people say we get attacked by Satan when we are building God’s kingdom. I don’t know. That sounds too simple an explanation for what goes on inside me. I think my nature rebels all by itself. Didn’t we talk about this once before? The more I follow God, the more I feel like I’m crucifying myself, trying to let go of my former dreams. It’s hard. You’ve been there.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m terribly excited. It’s just that feeling of pushing further into the unknown that is so disconcerting. And people keep asking how long I’ll stay there. I have no idea!